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Dear Marc,

Fuck you!

Maybe too strong. Start out a little lighter.

Dear Piece of Shit

Wow. Not exactly what I meant by “lighter”. Compartmentalize your anger for at least the opening.

Dear Marc,

I’ll smash your face in

Where’s that book on anger management you were reading? Breathe deeply three times and count to a hundred before you say anything.

Dear Marc,

You deserve to be water boarded. But before that I’d like to peel your fingernails off using a dull butterknife.

Whoah, tiger. This isn’t getting you anywhere. Maybe start out with something positive or ask about the weather.

Dear Marc,

I hope it hasn’t been raining too much wherever you are–I know how that exacerbates the rash on your privates and makes you scratch like a baboon.

Again, not what we’re going for.

Dear Marc,

Burn in hell! Eat shit! And may you enjoy–

Stop, stop, stop! You’re going to have to find another way to address your self. And maybe today isn’t the day to attempt it.